Product Review: Fresh Repair and Restore Face Balm

As the only specific post anyone has ever complemented me on was the product review of Seikisho Mask White, I feel compelled to review the other free samples I got from Neimans. And this was the spirit with which I tried Fresh Repair and Restore Face Balm.I do not actually feel that my face is in need of repair or restoration. These are the sacrifices I make for you, Gentle Reader.

Following my standard face wash and toner I popped open a miniature tub of Fresh Repair and Restore Face Balm. The packaging alone is leaps and bounds better than the little packets most samples come in. Usually I don’t use the whole sample in one go, (well other than the Seikisho Mask White, but that was because it kept telling me I wasn’t applying enough) so I end up using mini-binder clips and other office supplies to keep the rest of my sample from oozing all over my ablutions basket. And even in non-sample sizes I’m a big fan of little tubs instead of tubes or bottles with pump tops because I feel like I can get all of the stuff out of little tubs, but tubes and bottles take a little for themselves, like the IRS. Does that make the little tub of Fresh Repair and Restore Face Balm Ron Paul?

Anywho, at first sniff I thought, “Fresh, zingy.” At second sniff I thought, “Instructions or no, I am not getting this noxious material near my eyes, mouth, or nostrils.” Which was quickly followed by, “Do I have Poison Control on speed dial?”

Then I applied. A little dab will indeed do ya’. I just thought about the idea of putting it on my t-zone and that was plenty. It’s not like applying Bullfrog, my sunscreen of choice and the top choice of surfing vampires everywhere, which actually turns all organisms into amphibians and can only be removed with turpentine and a sandblaster. And it breaths better than a lot of moisturizers who will go unnamed (Trish McEvoy, you know who you are). This is particularly impressive given that it is a night cream, so it’s not meant to be wearable while you go about your activities of daily living. It’s meant to stay on your face while you sleep. But I applied it AND went about my activities of daily living quite successfully. It did not melt into my eyes and burn, contrary to its initial olfactory threat (and unlike my beloved Bullfrog which, at least in the formulation I have, will burn your eyes worse than onions, so wash your hands after applying, consciously avoid touching your eyes, and consider applying to your face only from the cheeks down and wearing a big hat; the things we vamps do to get our surf on). And it didn’t make my skin sweat weirdly, like other night creams will if you wear them around, which is why they’re called “night creams.”

And this is when the fun really began. My face started to feel like it was not my own, like maybe it was some other, hopefully more attractive, person’s face. I kept rushing into the bathroom to look at the mirror to see who I’d turned into. It worked for, Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster, and Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis, though I think that trade was really pretty even. Buffy and Faith? Clark Kent and Lionel Luthor? It seems to happen every day on the CW, so why couldn’t it happen to me? Mirror, mirror on the wall, answered the same old way it always does: just Sarah. Which is good enough for me.

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